"Boy, You Have Your Hands Full" - A Busy Mom's Advice For Keeping It Together

When you parent a lot of kids, you tend to garner comments about the size of your family. See, people assume fewer kids equals easier parenting. Parents with partners aren't outnumbered by one or two children and even single parents have two hands, so it must not be so bad. But once you hit three, the comments start rolling. At three kids, I started hearing things like, "Boy, you have your hands full!" and when we hit four, all bets were off. I've gotten everything from "I don't know how you do it!" to "You have a lot of kids- do you think this is a fair price for families?". I don't know what it is about having multiple children that makes people think it's ok to comment on the size of your family, but typically I just respond politely and leave it at that.

These comments can sometimes be snide, but are more often made by well-meaning strangers, people we know, or parents who have fewer children and think they would be overwhelmed by more. The truth is, even though we are a large family by today's standards, I can think if at least three families in our tiny school (think fewer than 200 students) that have more kids than mine, and back in the day, 4 kids would have been easy-peasy.

Honestly, no matter how many kids you have, or how old they are, parenting is hard AF. And the things that make it hard are constantly chnging. When my kids were little, parenting was hard because of the constant physical needs. They needed me to do or help them do everything. And when you are elbows-deep in kids all day, with no adults in sight, that can be really draining! Now that they're older, the challenges have changed. They no longer need me to do ALL.THE.THINGS., but they definitely need more emotional support (remember puberty? and high school? and love and broken hearts and trying out for teams and trying to get into colleges and all the things? yeah, be ready!), and they need to be taken EVERYWHERE. Seriously, everywhere.

The older they get, the crazier their schedules get, so it makes me laugh a little inside whenever people ask me how I keep it all together. Because, in all honesty, I'm really not. Most days, I'm just faking it and hoping no one will notice all the things I missed... like vacuuming up the dog hair that's been smeared on our carpet for the past two days (can I tell you how much I hate dog hair?!), or you know, bathing my younger kids every couple of days, or being on time. To anything. Ever. I haven't quite given this one up, and I'm trying to get better, but it takes a lot of planning and cajoling on my part. In fact, I'm counting it as nothing short of a miracle that we have made it, dressed and fed, to the bus stop on time all year long (who care that we're only two weeks in?!).

Which brings me to the one thing that adds some semblance of together-ness to my life and that is: MY PLANNER. You know I love organization, and this is the one thing that helps me keep it together. I've always been a calendar/planner/organizer kind of girl, and it's one thing I can't be without!

Now, I know that a lot of people think planners are boring, but there are so many different kinds out there, and so many different accessories, that they can be a thing of beauty. In fact, over the years, mine has evolved from a calendar into something more like a calendar/to-do list/menu planner/ home binder/scrapbook all in one. It's now kind of like a cross between an organizer and a bullet journal- something I wish I could do, but find that it takes up more time than I have, despite all reassurance that bullet-journaling is quick an easy (it's the layouts that get me- i just spend far too much time making them perfect!). 

So, what, exactly, do I use that makes this so amazing? Read on for some tips!

1. Find One That Works For You: Maybe you need lots of room to write, or perhaps you prefer something compact and easy to carry. You might want only a monthly lay-out, or a weekly lay-out, or maybe you're like me and you want to have both! Spiral bound, or one that you can easily rearrange. Only a calendar, or one with additional sections for budget, workout/health tracking, and more, I've used a lot of different planners over the years, and it took me a little while to figure out what I needed. There are lots of options out there, whether you want to purchase a pre-made one or download templates to print and make your own! Think about your needs. 

2. Color Code It: I color-code calendar entries. I've designated a specific color to each family member so that I can quickly glance at my calendar and know which activity belongs to whom. It makes it so much easier to find things and, honestly, it's kind of pretty to look at! 

3. Make It Fun!: I love all the sickers and stamps that are out there, and I use them to help me designate special events, work items, to-do lists, menu plans, chores and more. I use fun binder clips to mark current week's sections so I can flip to them quickly and easily. Plus, the organizer I use has add-on pages for home planning, fitness tracking, notes and more, which make it easy to customize.

Recently, my planner took a step up to "scrapbook" when my kids and husband gave me a Polaroid Instax camera for Mother's Day. The prints are the perfect size to fit in the boxes of my calendar, so whenever we have an important event, or just something I want to remember, I snap a picture and add it to the book.

4. Keep It All Together: I keep everything- except my pens and planner itself (those travel with me everywhere I go)- together and easily accessible in a basket on my desk. Any time something comes up, I add it to my planner.

5. Communicate It!: Having myself organized is only half the battle! If everyone else, particularly my husband, doesn't know what's going on, we're still a mess. So, once a week, I transfer everything that everyone else needs to know (i.e., our dinner menu and weekly activites) to the two chalkboards I have designated in our house for those purposes. This way, we're all on the same page

So now you know my secret! Hopefully these tips help you, too!

A Vintage Train- Themed 4th Birthday

So. We recently celebrated another birthday in our house- the summer months are full of them around here! Number Four turned four at the beginning of the month, and we celebrated with a train-themed birthday party. I prefer to use themes that don't center around licensed characters and I love all things vintage, so I tried to take his train request in that direction, using a lot of natural elements and vintage looking items in the decor. 

We kept it pretty simple, inviting family and just his one little friend. I created invitations that resembled vintage train tickets. We have this great collection of older Geotrax trains that we've been acquiring since our oldest was about three, so we brought those out and set up a large track for the kids to play with. His only food request was macaroni and cheese, so I added to that fruit, burger sliders and mini hotdogs (so fun!), and potato chips served in fun paper cones. We also had lots of sweet treats, including cake pops, chocolate covered marshmallows, and cake & ice cream, of course! Favors, displayed in vintage luggage, consisted of a train whistle (I'm sure parents loved me), an engineer's cap, and bandanna. Check out some of the details below!

The In-Between Years

The other day, I needed to return some books to the library, so I decided to swing past on my way to pick my husband up from work. Going this way requires us to drive through a not-so-great part of town- not the worst part, but definitely not the best part either. As we pulled into the library's drive-through drop-off, I happened to see a group of boys hanging out in front of the doors, and I just thought how great it was that they were hanging out at the library, rather than somewhere else.

Putting our books in the book drop took a good 5 minutes, because we always have lots of books. By the time I finished up and pulled out of the parking lot, the same group of boys was now standing on the other side and preparing to run back across the street right in front of traffic. A couple of them ran across in front of the car ahead of me, and as I drove by the ones remaining on the sidewalk, I happened to look over and see one of them, not more than 11 years old, smoking a cigarette. 

I imagine most people who know the area I am talking about wouldn't be surprised by this. But, it shocked me. And it made me sad. And that moment is burned in my brain and I keep thinking about it. Here's why:

My girl turns 10 today. In her own words, she will "never be single digits again." She has hit that in-between age, where she's not a teenager, but she's not a "little kid" anymore, either.  She still loves to play dress-up and "restaurant" and watch cartoons, but she's also starting to care about styling her hair and putting together outfits.

This girl is one of the kindest, most intelligent and loving children I've ever met. She is shy and quiet and often full of anxiety, but she thinks about others, and worries about being kind to them and praying for them. She loves to help people, she loves to read, she loves school, and God, and her mommy... most of all, I think, she loves her mommy. There are times when I look at her and think how grown up she is getting. She's amazingly intelligent and pretty intuitive, and often shows the greatest character. She thinks about things that a lot of other kids her age wouldn't.

And there are other times when I wonder whether I am protecting her too much, treating her too much like a little kid. I can't even tell you how many times I've thought, "Should she have outgrown that by now?" Am I letting her get away with whining too much? Am I failing to give her responsibilities? Am I shielding her too much from what the world is like and, as a consequence, failing to prepare her for life? 

I've been asking myself these questions a lot lately... As she gets closer to her teenage years, things are going to get harder: she will have physical and emotional changes, her relationships will get more complicated, she will have to be more and more responsible. I don't want her to be blindsided by those things; I want her to be ready and capable to handle them as they come at her, and know how to ask for help when she can't handle them on her own. 

But now, as I'm asking myself these things, and worrying about messing it all up, I keep coming back to that little boy, standing on the street, cigarette in hand, laughing as his friends ran out into traffic. It's heart breaking to know that that is normal for some kids her age. And I can't help but think that I'll take the innocence. She'll grow up way sooner than I'll be ready for, so, even though they can be hard and full of uncertainty, I'll hold onto these in-between years for as long as I can.

Harry Potter & the Epic Birthday Party

So, the Harry Potter books have been part of our family since I was a teenager, when my mom gave the first one to my sister. I've read them, and reread them, and then read them to my children.  And now, my kids are sharing my love of Harry Potter in a way that I never really expected. And this weekend, we celebrated my oldest daughter's upcoming birthday with a Harry Potter-themed party of epic proportions. 

All of her guests received their letter from Hogwarts. The kids got sorted into their houses, got their wands from Ollivander's, had potions class, played 5-a-side Quidditch, ate a feast in the Great Hall and visited Honeydukes! We had so much fun creating Hogwarts in our home and celebrating my daughter's special day!

  Guests had to pass through the brick wall to enter Platform 9 3/4

Guests donned this hand-made Sorting Hat to find out which house they belonged to.

Guests received a sticker badge with their house crest, and wands made from cooking chosticks

"Floating" candles in the Great Hall

Honeydukes!

The Apothecary

Aragog in the Forbidden Forest

The Quidditch pitch

"Broomsticks"

Hogwarts house cake

Cider, butterbeer (non-alcoholic), and pumpkin juice

I can't even tell you how much fun this party was! There was something for everyone to enjoy, even the older kids who were skeptical about participating at first. And I really loved bringing the magic of Harry Potter alive for my daughter!

I have to say a special thank you to my mom and sister for ALLLL their help the day of the party, to my cousin, from whom I borrowed a few additional photos, and, of course to my husband, who thinks I'm crazy, but pulls all the late nighters right along with me to get things done!

DIY Papier-mâché Dinosaur Eggs

Lately, my youngest has been really into dinosaurs. Several weeks ago, we made some of these papier-mâché dinosaur eggs, put them in a safe place to dry, and promptly forgot about them. Then the other day, my sister and nephews and niece came over to play. My kids pulled out these eggs and they all set to work cracking them open with hammers (yes, they were that hard). 

Since they had so much fun both making and breaking them, I thought I would share this easy DIY with you all.

First, gather your supplies. You will need:

• Small dinosaurs (or other animals if you want! Birds, alligators & snakes all hatch from eggs!)- ours came from Target and cost $6 for a bucket of 60, but I've seen smaller packages at the dollar store for, well, a dollar
• Small balloons: we used water balloons, which are pretty much the perfect size and shape
• Paper (drawing paper, newspaper, whatever you have around the house), cut into strips about half an inch wide (ours were wider, about an inch, and didn't work as well for the small size of the balloons)
• All- purpose flour
• Cool water
• A whisk & bowl for mixing papier-mâché 
• Something to stand your eggs on while working/drying (we used small paper cups)
• A smock for your kiddo(s) and something to cover your table (this papier-mâché is made of just flour and water, so it washes out easily when wet, but takes a lot more effort to clean when it dries).
• Paint and brushes to decorate your eggs

Once you have all your supplies gathered, start by putting your dinos (animals) in your balloons. This is the hardest part, and you have to be pretty careful so the balloons don't break, but you want to stretch an empty balloon as far as you can, stick your dinosaur in there and then blow up the balloon and tie it. Sometimes it helps to have two pairs of hands, one to stretch the balloon and one to put the dino in.

When your balloons are ready, it's time to make your papier-mâché! My favorite way to make papier-mâché is by mixing flour and water in a 1.5:1 ratio, and whisking until smooth. You want it to be a little bit thick, so if you think it's too thin, just whisk in a little more flour. You can also use plaster of Paris (in which case, just follow the directions on the box), but this way is less expensive and I ALWAYS have the ingredients on hand!

Now you can make your eggs! Put your blown-up balloons top-down on whatever you chose to use as a stand while you're working. Dip your strips of paper into the flour-water mixture. Make sure they are well-coated and then lay them over the balloon, making sure to smooth them out. Short strips work better on the smaller balloons, so you may need to tear your strios in half to get them smooth. Cover the entire balloon, except the top, where it is tied off. This is where you will pop the balloon later. I typically do two layers.

Set your eggs somewhere out of the way to dry (if your weather is nice, you can set them outside in a sunny place to help speed the process along), preferrably for 24 hours. This will ensure that your eggs are dry all the way through. Once the eggs are completely dry, go ahead and paint them! And when you're ready, you can crack them open and let the dinosaurs "hatch"!

A covered balloon ready to dry.

Confessions of a Perfectionist Part 2- Failure Is NOT an Option

So, remember a few posts back, I mentioned an end-of-year project I had to do for my daughter's kindergarten class? Weeellllllll, let me tell you about it now, becaue it illustrates my point perfectly.

At the end of every school year, our school, like many, holds a kindergarten graduation. It has become a tradition for the room-parent(s) to put together a video slideshow of the kids' year to be shown after graduation. This year, we had two room parents, one for each kindergarten class, but since the parent from the other class had never made a video before and I have, I took it on. And it would have been fine, it really would have, if our computer hard drive hadn't started to fail.

Shortly before I took on the project, we noticed a significant slowing-down of our laptop's function. Normally, when we have computer trouble, we go straight to my dad, the family computer guru, but I just assumed that the slowness was a result of having too much stored on our computer, particularly because I was trying to be better about transferring pictures from my camera's memory card to the computer and, finally, to our external hard drive for back up. I figured that once I had cleared things, function would resume as normal. I think it's probably not necessary for me to tell you that it didn't.

In the mean time, I had started to send out emails asking parents to provide me with pictures of their kiddos at school events; anything from the first day of school on. Days went by and I received emails from maybe 5 parents. Out of 26. I sent several follow-up requests, and so did the teachers. In the end, about 10 parents got in touch with me to help provide pictures, for which I am incredibly grateful. Because, while I try to take pictures at the kids' events, I can only make it to so many of them. There are events I miss, or kids that I may not get many pictures of, etc.

So, anyway, I'm working to a hard deadline already, and it is further complicated by trying to get other people's contributions sent in and organized. I spent HOURS -DAYS, really- fighting the slowness of my computer as I tried to get submissions sent, downloaded, and organized. But I finally had most of them ready to go, and I was only waiting for the last few special events of the year to happen so I could add pictures of those at the end. And the last thing I needed pictures of was a fieldtrip- scheduled for two days before the end of the school year.

Fast forward to the second to last day of school. I had to miss the kindergarten field trip because I was going along on a different trip with my older daughter. One of the other mamas had very nicely volunteered to take some photos of the K trip for me, and she, along with another parent, sent some in. I spent some time trying to convince my computer to load those photos into my software, then moved on to the music. It was taking me 20 or more to perform simple functiions, but about 11 pm I had all the music right, all the pictures timed, and I was ready to burn my video to a disc.

And THAT was when I realized that we had updated our computer, but not my software, and I now needed a conversion program to be able ti prepare my files for burning to a DVD. For many more hours, I sat at my computer, searching for some conversion software that I felt I could trust, trying to download to my quickly dying computer, and attempting to convert my files. 

Eventually, my husband went to bed. I finished putting together end-of-year teacher gifts, I prepped everyone's clothes for the morning, I sat with my head on my laptop keyboard and cried for a while as I waitied for things to move. At 4 am, I finally realized that I was not going to get my computer to convert the files and burn the disc. I saved my files to the disc instead of burning them, and went upstairs to take my shower while I waited to make sure that my computer would finish the task. FINALLY, at 5:30 in the morning, I packed up my computer, my disc, and everything I would need for the last day of school. I was praying that the school would either have the type of media player I needed, or that my laptop would function significantly well-enough that I would be able to show the slideshow. 

In the end, it worked in the classroom computer, and everything was fine. But I was exhausted. I didn't go to bed that night at all. I didn't even doze on the couch. I didn't sleep at all.

You're probably wondering why I didn't just save the file rather than burning it in the first place, and there are two reasons: 1) I wasn't sure if the slideshow music would save properly on the disc, and 2) I wasn't sure the school would have the correct media software available and I was pretty sure that my computer wouldn't make it through the showing.

Ok, then, so why not just go to the school and say, "I'm sorry, I was unable to finish the slideshow"? That was, afterall, my husband's suggestion. But here's the problem: all those people were counting on me. Teachers, parents, even some of the kids knew the video was in the works. I had spent hours sorting pictures, choosing, downloading, and paying for music, and timing those pictures. I had sent out many pleas asking for contributions. Every parent who sent me pictures told me how excited they were to see the video. I couldn't go there and tell everyone there wasn't going to be a DVD. I couldn't tell all those people I had failed.

I'm sure that as you're reading this, you're probably thinking, this isn't that big of a deal. Writing it now, it doesn't feel so bad, but, then, time has passed, and I'm finding that it's hard to effectively communicate the urgency of my situation. But I often have a hard time letting go of things like this.

I know it's crazy. I know it probably wasn't worth staying up literally ALL night. I always tell my kids that the most important thing to me is that they try their best, no matter the outcome. As long as they feel that they have TRULY made their best effort, then whatever comes after doesn;t matter to me. And I know that I should accept that for myself, too. But sometimes - most times - I feel this need to be good at whatever I do. For me, failure is not an option. Please understand that this doesn't mean that I DON'T fail, because I do, every single day, in a hundred ways. But it's a really hard thing for me to do in front of others.

DIY Giant Pinwheels Tutorial

Hello, everyone! I hope you all have had a wonderful start to your summer! The last few weeks have been pretty crazy for us: we've had to scrap my husband's car, our computer hard drive failed, our garage door needed to be replaced, and our deck is in need of repairs. When it rains, it pours, am I right? Plus, I've taken on a summer child-care job, even though I normally try to take the summer off. 

On the up side, we've had a lot of help from family, and we've been keeping pretty busy doing fun things despite our limited transportation. 

Yesterday, the kids and I made some giant pinwheels:

I love pinwheels! They're pretty and fun, and really simple to make. For these DIY GIant Pinwheels you will need:

• 12x12" paper- either one double-sided piece OR two single-sided pieces per pinwheel
• dowel rods (I used 5/16" x 36")
• pencil-top erasers
• ball-headed stright pins (quilting pins work really well)
• pencil
• ruler or yard stick
• hot glue gun
• scissors or craft knife and cutting mat

First, glue your pencil-top erasers to one end of the dowels and set them aside. Lay down two coordinating pieces of 12x12 paper, right sides together. On the back of one piece, measure and draw a line 6 inches in from each corner.

Keeping the two pieces face-to-face, use your scissors or craft knife to cut along the lines, making sure not to cut past the end. Flip your pages back-to-back so you have a pattern/color showing on both the front and back. On one side, mark the center of the paper. This will be the inside/front of your pinwheel.

Fold in alternating corner sections and secure with a straight pin. Push the pin through the mark in the center of your paper, and then into the eraser at the top of one of your dowels.

Push the pin all the way through the eraser so that a good portion of it sticks out the back. You want the pin to be in far enough that it won't pop out, but not so far that it's too tight for the pinwheel to spin. Secure the back with some hot glue. Use enough glue to cover the entire end of the pin so it is no longer sharp. 

Be sure to let the glue cool completely before using your pinwheel. You are done!

These giant pinwheels won't be easy to make spin by blowing on them, but they catch the wind really well, and walking quickly with them is a great way to get them spinning! Now, go make a boquet of them!

The Summer of "Yes"

Remember summers when you were a kid? When you got up and went outside early, stayed out all day, and came in far later than you would during the school year? When you spent days at the pool and ate popsicles, both from the ice cream truck and your own freezer, and had water fights and ran around barefoot, and rode your bike all over the neighborhood? When there were neighborhood block parties, and family reunions, and fireworks and baseball games? Trips to the drive-in and the ice cream place and the park? Church festivals and county fairs? And when rainy days meant fort-building and movie watching, and popcorn or a trip to the movie theater? I do.

Chances are, there was a good amount of complaining about being bored, about the heat, about mosquito bites, but looking back, what stands out is not the boredom or the itchiness. What stands out are fun things we did that made summer...summer.

Those are the kinds of summers I want to give my kids. Our school year always seems to be jam-packed with homework, extra curricular activities, sporting events, and lessons. We're on thego so much that it's hard to find time to slow down and have fun. It can be hard to fit in everything that everyone wants to do around our crazy schedule. And that's why I'm making it the summer of "yes".

Yes to water fights and popsicles. Yes to catching lightning bugs. Yes to pool days, and days at the local kids museum and trips to the movie theater. Yes to going to the sprinkler park, and the fun free events around our area. Yes to movies under the stars, and staying up late. Yes to bike rides and reading in bed at night. Yes to sleepovers with cousins and cartoons in the morning. Yes to playdates and lemonade stands.

Trust me when I say, my kids still hear the word no. We can't do everything or be everywhere at once, and there are some things that just aren't feasible. And yes, we still do chores and read and have summer school work to take care of. But why not fill their summers with fun that they'll never forget? In all honesty, it will be the smallest things that they remember.

Like this

Before school even let out, the kids came home one day asking to have a water balloon fight. Did I really feel like filling up water balloons that afternoon? Nope. But my husband agreed, so we went outside and filled some. The balloons themselves didn't last long, but once they were gone, the kids just started filling buckets straight from the hose and throwing them at each other. They spent a good 30-45 minutes throwing water and letting their dad spray them with the hose. They were occupied. They were cool. But mostly, they were having pure, unchecked fun. No arguing, no complaining. Just fun. And just look at those faces... they're totally worth it.

Netflix & Chill Gift Basket - 2 Ways!

I'm baaaaaaa-ack! Did you think I'd given up so soon? Not me! So, what happened? Well... the school year ended. And then we had a massive garage sale two days later. And, basically, I fell into a black hole trying to get through end-of-year projects like teacher's gifts and a photo montage for the graduating Kindergarteners at my girls' school (an annual tradition taken on by the room parent- more on that another time).

I don't know how everyone else feels about it, but I swear, the end of the school year could, possibly, be the most stressful time of year for me. The last few weeks are jam-packed with field trips, special events, and schedule changes, and it was complicated even more this year by the fact that the high school lets out a week earlier than the grade school. And then I thought (WHAT was I thinking?!) that it would be a good idea to hold a HUUUUGE garage sale two days later.

But I have to say, I am so incredibly glad that it's all over. I feel nothing but relief that we are done with school for a while, and that I have purged SO. MUCH. STUFF. from our house.

And if I feel that relieved about the end of the year, I can only imagine how teachers everywhere must feel, too. I always feel like they deserve a really big gift at the end of the year (well- all the time, really, but I can only do so many gifts). And I thought I'd share with you what I did for them this year, because I think it's really a great gift for anyone, anytime. Because, sometimes, you just need to Netflix and chill.

Because my older daughter's class had two part-time teachers sharing the job this year (one's a mom to young kids and one was finishing up her Master's Degree), I actually put together three gifts, using two different variations on the theme.

Two of the gift baskets included popcorn, Netflix gift card, Graeter's giftcard, and lots of stuff to make icecream sundaes (Chocolate syrup, sprinkles, crushed Oreos, chopped Reese's Cups, little treat bowls and some sprinkle straws- just for fun). These ones went to theteachers with kids- something for some fun family time!

Please excuse the quality of my pictures... it was REALLY late when I was assembling these!

I realized later that I forgot to include these cute treat cups from the Spot's Playground at Target in my before picture!

This third one has a different type of "chill" included, because it went to the teacher who is getting married this summer. I happened to know where she was registered because we did a little class "shower" for her, and I saw the really cute popcorn bowl she had on her registry. So, I went ahead and got that for her and added a bottle of wine, some stemless glasses, popcorn and a Netflix gift card.

After I took this photo, I actually took the bottle of wine out and wrapped it up it tissue before putting it back in. Every year, I think about giving my kids' teachers wine at the end of the year, but I'm not really sure how acceptable that is? I just decided to go ahead and do it this year, but I figured I'd better wrap it up, and also that I should probably be the one to hand it over to her teacher, ha!

So, there you have it! Two different versions of a Netflix & Chill gift basket!

Making Time for Me

Ok, you guys, I'm just gonna say it... I'm really, really, really, REEEEEALLLLLY bad at taking care of myself. I don't mean hygiene (I really like to be clean), although hygiene is a part of self-care. No, I mean the part where I take time out to do the things that I enjoy and that make me feel like... me. And I think there are probably a lot of other mamas (and dads, too!) out there who have trouble balancing the parent/partner role with the "me" part of life.

WHY is this so hard? Well, for me, it has two causes. First and foremost, some of the things I enjoy can be costly (new books and a manicure? yes, please!). With 4 kids, 3 school tuitions, and only 1 full-time income, extra money can be hard to come by. And when we do have extra income, we typically opt to spend it on one of three things: family outings, home improvement projects, or, every so often, date night. So, taking money aside and using it on only myself feels... selfish.

Which brings me to the second reason- GUILT. There are so many things out there, floating around the internet, hanging out and waiting to make us, as parents, feel guilty. Articles that tell us that we must never, ever let our children feel ANYTHING but joy and happiness, that we must put ourselves second always, that we must give and give and give of ourselves until there is nothing of us left. Really, who wants to add to that? We get all caught up in making sure that we are doing everything just right, but here's the thing: even though it's hard to do, I know that I am a better mommy and wife when I make some time to take care of myself and do the things I love. I am calmer and saner and less stressed, and ALL of those things carry over into my parenting. So how am I trying to find that balance? Read on!

Scheduling: The best way I can think of to make sure that I make time for me is to put it on my calendar. I love, love, love planners, and my calendar carries all the details of our lives. Scheduling time to exercise and to do things I enjoy can help me follow through.

Getting more sleep: or, rather, having a better sleep schedule. My kids start school at 7:45 and 8:00 am, which means they have to get up and going pretty early. And I am typically a morning person, accomplishing more early in the day, rather than late at night. Keeping a good sleep schedule will help me get up earlier so that I can get things done or even just sit and read while I drink my coffee BEFORE my kids have to get up for school. Of course, the whole sleep thing is dependent on everyone staying in their respective beds at night (more on that another time), but getting to bed earlier will help.

Finding less expensive alternatives: this is something that I've been getting quite good at over the years. For example, I love having my nails done- it just makes me feel really put together, but regular manicures can be costly and time-consuming. For Christmas a couple of years ago, my mom gave me everything I need to do gel manicures at home. Yes, gel polish is more expensive than regular polish, but since each bottle costs half as much as a regular manicure, and I get several manicures from each bottle, the cost is significantly reduced. And I've gotten really good at painting my own nails, so my results are just as good. Also, I've started embracing second-hand, resale, and thrift stores, particularly for books, home goods, and furniture.

Combining things I NEED to do with things I WANT to do: when I need new storage baskets for the linen closet and I'm really wishing I could have a girls' day with my mom and sister, a group trip to the newly open IKEA in my area seems like a good idea. 'Nuff said.

Volunteering at my kids' schools: this may seem counter-intuitive, because it takes time, but often, it allows me to spend time with my kids during the day when I wouldn't otherwise get to. Then, I don't feel so guilty about spending time doing my thing.

Being present: I try to make sure that I am spending quality time with my kids whenever I am with them. This means being present and involved, but I know there are times when I get distracted or I'm not fully present. Actually, I notice that these times occur more when I'm in need of some me time or adult interaction. But making sure I spend quality time with them means happier, more secure kiddos, which in turn makes it easier for me to break away for some time alone when I need it. It's a kind of cycle.

Asking for help: Let's be real here. Asking for help is pretty much ridiculously hard for me. This goes back to my Type A/perfectionist personality. Plus, I just think it would be really great if my husband could just KNOW that I am tired/stressed out/irritated/in need of some time alone or a date night... but he's not a mind reader, no matter how much I want him to be. And his brain doesn't work the way mine does. I know this is something I definitely need to work on.

Some day, I'll have all the me time I want. And some day I'll have life all figured out (maybe). In the meantime, hopefully these ideas will help me find some balance. And maybe they'll help you, too.

Let's Talk: Family Dinner

I am a big believer in eating dinners together a family. Research shows that eating dinner together as a family has benefits for kids such as:

• Better academic performance
• Higher self-esteem
• Lower risk of substance abuse, teen pregnancy, depression & eating disorders
• Lower rates of obesity & development of healthier eating habits

And more.

Between extra-curricular activity schedules and evening work schedules, it can be hard to do, but we try to make family dinners a priority. During the winter and spring, it seems to be particularly hard for us, so I always feel relieved when school starts to wind down and it gets easier for us to take our time over family dinners instead of rushing through them. Taking our time over dinner really gives me and my husband a chance to connect with each other and our kids.

Sometimes, our kids come to the table full of things to tell us about their day, and sometimes not. I've found that it really helps jumpstart conversations with them if I ask for specifics about their day...without being too specific. So, every evening when we sit down together, we go around the table and share a bad thing about our day and a good thing about our day. This gives everyone a chance to reflect on their day and think of specific things to tell us, while opening up the table for broader conversation. It the question leads to talking about things we are thankful for and things we are looking forward to, or things that we might like to change, or problems we need help solving and even discussion about how we can find good in the bad. And everyone, even my three-year-old can get in on the discussion.

We also enforce some family mealtime rules that help us focus on connecting. First and foremost, we sit together at the table. I make one meal that everyone eats. I try to include at least one thing everyone likes. Everyone has to eat a vegetable, but beyond that, if they don't like it, they're not required to eat it. This way, we cut down on arguing. Family meals are device-free. No phones, computers, tablets, or tv while we're eating. If the phone rings, we let it go to voicemail/the answering machine until after dinner. We don't bring toys to the table either. And everyone gets an opportunity to talk without being interrupted.

Some days, we can't all sit down together. Research shows that there is no "magic number" when it comes to how many times a week families should sit down to eat together. And, really, it doesn't matter which meal, as long as you come together. So, Sometimes my husband or I have to work, and only one of us is present, and that's ok. The kids still connect with each other and a parent. Sometimes, my oldest has school or sports events going on during dinnertime. We move things around when we can, but that's not always possible, which means that sometimes the rest of us eat at home before his events and sometimes we take our dinner along and eat while we watch him play. But I always make sure that I sit down with him while he eats later, too, because I think the most important thing about family dinners is the connections we make with each other.

Want to learn more about the benefits of family meals or how to facilitate conversations with your kids? Check out these websites:

The Family Dinner Project

Take Back the Table

Confessions of a Perfectionist- Part 1 (of many)

It's after 11 p.m. and I'm just now sitting down at my computer. It's been a long, full day, but this has been at the back of my mind, so I'm just gonna go with it.

This school year, I have been volunteering as the room parent for my daughters' classrooms. On a whole, the job is pretty simple: help the teachers coordinate things like classroom parties and parent volunteers, as well as attend our PTA meetings. Much of the year, I don't really have to do a whole lot, but toward the end of the school year, things can get busy.

Last Friday, one of the teachers asked me for help coordinating some volunteers to come in after school one day this week to help her complete a project. I sent her an email to clarify which days would be best, and then promptly forgot about emailing the parents. It just kind of got lost in everything else I've had going on. 

Fast forward to Tuesday night, around 11 p.m., when I take a look at my email and see that the teacher has emailed me to check in and find out if I have heard back from any other parents about helping on Wednesday or Thursday afternoon.

RADIO SILENCE (in my head). Then my mind goes blank.

No, I haven't heard back from any of the parents, obviously, because I never emailed them. My heart starts beating fast and my face flushes, despite the fact that no one is even around. So, I send out a quick email to the parents asking for anyone that might be able to help (suspecting that with such short notice there won't be), and then I email the teacher back explaining that I forgot to email everyone, but I've sent one out now asking for volunteers for Thursday and that I can help Wednesday, if necessary, and I am so, so, SO sorry.

But I can't let it go. I can't stop thinking about how I messed up, and how I've probably made it so much harder to get this project done, and I can't believe I forgot something like that, and WHAT will my daughter's teacher think of me now?! I'm so irresponsible! I check my email several more times, just in case she happens to still be up to read my response; nothing. Finally, I go to bed.

The next morning, I get up and check my email several times. I debate stopping to talk with the teacher during drop-off, but she's not out on the playground, so I head on home and keep worrying about it. FINALLY, about 8:20, I get an email from her saying that it's not a big deal, that we'll get it done on Thursday. I feel a little bit better, but I'm still dwelling on it. I don't get too many replies from parents; most of them work full-time outside the home, and typically aren't available until after normal office hours, so I kind of expected this, but I was still hoping someone might be able to help.

That afternoon, when I still haven't gotten any affirmative answers, I stop to talk to the teacher at pick-up. To wrap up this LONG story, I wound up bringing the project home with me and completing it this evening. It wasn't a difficult project, and I was able to get it done in between working on some other things, but I STILL feel bad. I hate that I dropped the ball on this (or anything), and I also worry that other parents may feel like they haven't been afforded enough opportunities to volunteer in the classroom.

In my mind, I know that this is SUCH a small thing, one that's totally not worth worrying about, and definitely not something many other people would continue to think about long after it's been taken care of. But I can't let it go. For as long as I can remember, I have felt this intense pressure to do everything, well... perfectly. Even as I write this, I feel a particular nervousness about admitting that I failed at something, no matter how small.

You see, I've never been the pretty one, the kind one, the sweet one, the thin one, the attractive one. Smart, organized, on top of things, that's me. I may not be gorgeous or fun, but I definitely get things done. I don't think it's possible for anyone to hold me to a higher standard than I hold myself, and that can make life really frustrating sometimes.

The other night, one of the girls was worried about a homework assignment; she had hand-written it originally, but was required to type her final draft, which made her assignment look much shorter and she was concerned that it wouldn't be long enough, which would cause her to get a low grade. I asked her if it would really be so bad if she didn't get a good grade on it.

"Yes," she sobbed, "because I usually get such good grades."

And my heart broke for her a little, because I know exactly how she feels.

I asked her if she had followed all the directions and done her best work; she said she had.

"Well, then," I told her, "as long as you did what you were supposed to do and you tried your very best, that's all that matters."

Now, if only I could tell myself the same thing.

A Flamingo- & Pineapple- Inspired 30th Birthday

When I turned 30, my family threw me an elaborately plotted surprise party that involved my husband taking me to get a new tattoo and then having to stall me for a couple hours while my mom, sister, brother-in-law and kids were at our house getting things ready...

So, when my little sister had her turn at the big 3-0, I had big plans. However, she was very adamant that she did NOT want a surprise party - and there went all my plans out the window! Instead, she wanted all the young adults ("young" being a relative term here, meaning anyone between the ages of 28 and 38 in our family) to go out for drinks the night before and then have a family cookout the day of her birthday. To which I acquiesced, because, after all, it was her birthday (I'm such a good sister, aren't I?!).

However, me being me, I wanted to make it a little bit fancy... I had read this  post from Sugar & Cloth, that I thought was really cute, and I fell in love with pink flamingos just a little bit. I kept coming back to those flamingos, and this pink-and-gold flamingo & pineapple party was born!

And while we didn't do much other than make food and eat it while the kids all played outside, everything turned out really nice!

Yummy desserts! Cake, cupcakes, and bomboli, the most amazing Italian donut!

Aren't these tiny flamingos the cutest?! I found them in a gift shop at our local zoo, of all places!

I cannot tell you how much I love tissue paper... these flowers are super easy to make and so pretty!

This Mini LightBox from Heidi Swapp might just be my new favorite party decoration!

Here's that ring toss game!

So much fun! And now, run out and buy yourself some flamingos and pineapples (ERRRRRBODY has them right now) and have a party of your own!

P.S.- those pink flamingos have become a permanent summer fixture in my yard!

3 Reasons I Expect My Teenager to Attend His Younger Siblings' Activities

A couple of evenings ago, my daughters had a recital and I required my oldest to attend. He wasn't exactly happy about it, because there was another event that he would have preferred to attend with his friends on the same night at around the same time. Given the fairly wide age gap between my oldest and his siblings, I can somewhat understand his reluctance to go. I realize that, at 15, he would MUCH rather hang out with his friends than his family, because when you're 15 that's what is important to you.

Here are three reasons why I made him come along anyway:

1. Family comes first. When we're sad, when we're tired, when we're weary, lonely, angry, or afraid, we turn to our family and they are there for us. Friends change and part ways, but family remains. It's important to nurture our familial relationships and support one another, even when we sometimes might want to be doing something else. My hope is that my kids will grow up knowing that sometimes we make small sacrifices for the ones we love.

2. Our family time is limited. With 6 people in our family working, going to school, doing homework, playing sports, and having various and sundry other activities, not to mention my son's visitation schedule with his father, as well as housework, laundry cleaning... well, you get the picture. With all that is going on in our very busy lives, and everything we have to work around, it is important for us to carve out time to spend together as a family as often as we can. And sometimes, that means that we forgo hanging out with our friends in order to support our siblings.

3. It's only fair. My oldest participates in a lot of extra-curricular activities, and my husband and I try to make sure that one (or both) of us is always there to support him. Because my husband works a lot of crazy hours, that often means that I am the one to be there. And because my three littles aren't old enough to be left home alone, that also means that they have to come along, whether they want to or not. Trust me when I say that sitting through hours-long baseball games with young kids who aren't really interested in watching sports, particularly when the weather isn't great, is not fun. At all. But we all do it, because it's important to him that we be there and it's important to us, as parents, that we be there. In all honesty, their events come around a lot less often right now than his do (note that I only require him to attend major functions, like recitals, plays, etc.). And I do not ask him to attend if there is a conflict with his commitments to school or team activities. So, if they can stick it out for three hours on a school night, loading up in the car to travel across town in rush-hour traffic, eating dinner on the run and getting to bed WAAAAY past bedtime, he can give them an hour on a Tuesday night in an air-conditioned auditorium.

Mother's Day Brunch and a Recipe for Brioche French Toast

This year for Mother's Day, we hosted brunch at our house for my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister (and her family) and my sister-in-law (and brother and their family). I'm not normally a breakfast person, but for some reason I love to make brunch. Maybe it's because I really love to bake, especially beautiful things that challenge me, and since brunch just feels fancier, I can do that!

The menu included: Vanilla Brioche French Toast (see the yummy recipe below!), maple bacon sweet potato hash from this recipe, mini pancake stacks, a DIY yogurt parfait bar, fruit, banana bread muffins, and scrambled eggs. My mom also made this amazing egg breakfast casserole with mushrooms, tomatoes, and sausage, and she brought along some cheese Danish and chocolate croissants (to die for!). My sister brought the drinks; chocolate milk, apple juice, orange juice and champagne-- for "Mom-osas"". And, we had lemon drop cookies and berries with Chantilly cream for dessert (because everything else really wasn't enough!).

Today I have for you the recipe for the Vanilla Brioche French Toast, but before we get to that, I thought I'd share a few pictures from our celebration (credit for some of these photos goes to my amazing sister)! Be sure to scroll all the way down for the recipe!

Seriously, this was quite possibly the most amazing brunch, ever! And now, for the recipe!

Vanilla Brioche French Toast

• 1 loaf brioche (I used the Vanilla Cream Brioche from Aldi)

• 3 large eggs

• 1 to 1-1/2 c. half-and-half

• 1/8 c. (or 2 T) sugar

• 3t. pure vanilla extract

• Canola oil or similar for coating pan

Slice the brioche. In wide-bottomed mixing bowl, combine eggs, half-and-half, sugar and vanilla. Beat with a wire whisk or large fork until combined. Heat pan over medium-low heat and coat with approx. 1 T oil. dip slices of brioche into egg mixture, turning until evenly coated (I had to be very careful; because of the vanilla cream. my brioche was pretty soft to start with). Place coated slices of brioche on pan and allow to cook slowly, turning once. Cook until both sides are golden-brown. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and serve hot with your choice of syrup.

Enjoy!

Letting Go of Mother's Day Guilt

Someone I know posted this as her Facebook status a few days before Mother's Day:

I don't usually do the copy and paste thing, but the busier my kids get, the relevant this is.
Every year my children ask me the same question. After thinking about it, I decided I'd give them my real answer:
What do I want for Mother's Day? I want you. I want you to keep coming around, I want you to bring your kids around, I want you to ask me questions, ask my advice, tell me your problems, ask for my opinion, ask for my help. I want you to come over and rant about your problems, rant about life, whatever. Tell me about your job, your worries, your kids, your fur babies.
I want you to continue sharing your life with me. Come over and laugh with me, or laugh at me, I don't care. Hearing you laugh is music to me.
I spent the better part of my life raising you the best way I knew how. Now, give me time to sit back and admire my work.
Raid my refrigerator, help yourself, I really don't mind. In fact, I wouldn't want it any other way.
I want you to spend your money making a better life for you and your family, I have the things I need. I want to see you happy and healthy. When you ask me what I want for Mother's Day, I say "nothing" because you've already been giving me my gift all year. I want you.
If you feel the same way, feel free to copy and paste... I did! ❤️❤️
I think most all moms feel the same!! I love this!!

Every year around this time I see so many versions of this popping up in Facebook statuses and blog posts. And I think it's beautiful and wonderful. And then I see posts about "What I REALLY Want For Mother's Day" that talk about the long list of basic desires that mothers want to be able to attend to without interruption (showering, anyone?). And I totally identify with those, too.

The truth is, I have a love-hate relationship with Mother's Day. I love that there is a day dedicated to honoring mothers. I love that my husband and kids want to celebrate me. At the same time, it's a day that brings me a lot of guilt, because my idea of a good Mother's Day isn't always the same as what my family thinks is a good Mother's Day, and trying to find a balance between the two can be difficult. Sometimes, in fact, it feels like my kids need me MORE on this day than any other.

Case in point: every year, my kids want to make me breakfast in bed, but I am not a person who enjoys breakfast in bed, unless I'm in a luxury hotel on the beach with tons of pillows and a big fluffy down comforter and a room-service waiter to bring me coffee and fruit and chocolate croissants and mimosas. With the terrace doors thrown open so I can see the sun and hear the waves, with the sheer curtains billowing into the room, and my husband there to the moment with me (and by the way, this has never happened). In other words, I like the idea of breakfast in bed.

Typically, the tradition goes like this: hubby, who doesn't do a whole lot of cooking usually, and kids get up and make some version of the scrambled eggs- English muffin combo, bring it up to me and put it on my lap. Kids climb up on the bed and sit all around me, staring and asking for bites, because they have not yet eaten breakfast and they're hungry, too. At least one usually tries to climb into my lap along with the food, while the others slowly inch closer and closer until we're all sitting squeezed together on one side of our queen-size bed. All while I try to eat without spilling coffee all over and burning someone. Eventually, my husband steps in and forces the kids off the bed ("let's give mommy some space"), which is met with lots of arguing and resistance, culminating with him telling everyone they need to go downstairs so they can have breakfast, and I'm ultimately left alone to eat by myself.

So, this is where the guilt starts: with my family wanting to do something that they think is amazing and special for me, but deep down, it's a tradition that I REALLY don't enjoy. And, I know I'm supposed to be grateful for whatever they do for me, because, really, it's the thought that counts, but sometimes, I'm just... not. The thing is, I know that it's hard for kids to see beyond their own little worlds. It's hard for them to understand that what they think is wonderful and amazing might not be for someone else, and I don't want to crush their little spirits. I WANT them to want to do kind things for other people without feeling like what they chose to do isn't good enough. At the same time, I'd like to enjoy Mother's Day and all the things that go along with it, because, really it's the one day that I feel like I shouldn't HAVE to focus on everyone else's needs and desires before my own. And then, of course, it's hard to balance spending time with my kids against spending time with my own mother and giving my husband some time to spend with his mom.

This year, we tried something different. I invited my mom, my mother-in-law, my sister & her husband & kids, my sister-in-law & brother and their family to brunch at our house. And while I did have to do some work, once everything was ready, we had a really great day eating, hanging out, and relaxing as one big family. (And I think doing this also took some of the pressure off of my husband to plan a "perfect" Mother's Day celebration, so he was able to spend more time helping the kids focus on giving my something he knew I would like that they would be excited and proud to give me.)

You guys, that post I read on Facebook is wonderful and amazing, and TRUE. But sometimes, when you're in the thick of parenting young kids, when you are never alone and you are with them ALL THE TIME, when there is always someone calling for you, pulling at you, NEEDING you, it's hard to see the end-game. It's there, but you are working SO HARD to show your kids the love and attention and affection they need; to make them feel heard and accepted and valued, to give them limits while still letting them grow, that it's difficult to imagine the day when they will be grown up enough that you are able to say, "just you coming back is enough". To mamas who have made it: you have done an AMAZING job. To mamas still in the trenches: hang in there. Because, even though you know that, yes, "the days are long but the years are short", it is ok to need some time for yourself. Let yourself off the hook once in a while. Trust me, everyone will be happier for it.

An Egg Dyeing Mini-Party

This post is a little belated, but I've always loved Easter, so tonight I'm sharing with you some of the fun we had this year.

I know Christmas usually gets all the love, what with Santa, and presents, and all, but the Easter story always touches my heart in a special way. And, in all honesty, Jesus' birth is important, but without His death on the cross and Resurrection, where would we be? So in our house, we always have special celebrations around Easter.

One of my favorite Easter traditions is dyeing eggs. Every year, we invite my nephews and nieces over to color eggs with us. And every year, we run into the problems of how best to let the eggs dry, how to keep track of which eggs belong to whom, and how to easily transport all the eggs home with the kids. So, when I found these cute half-dozen egg cartons in the Dollar Spot at Target, I knew they'd be perfect for this year's egg dyeing eggtravaganza! (Sorry, I know that's a tired joke, but I had to)

Aren't they fun?! Anyway, these babies inspired a little mini-party.

I hard-boiled about 6 dozen eggs (hard to color eggs without... eggs, amiright?).

Each of the kiddos got a carton full of eggs, plus, since some of the cousins couldn't make it this year, we had a few extras.

I also made some egg-drying stands by out of a bunch of toilet paper tubes I had saved. I just cut a slit down the tube lengthwise, then cut it into sections, overlapped the edges so they were a tighter circle and taped them together. Easy-peasy, and no more pooled dye at the bottom of the egg carton, hooray!

To keep things organized, I threw some craft paper on the table, drew a circle for each child and put 6 egg stands inside the circle. Once everyone found a good spot, I wrote their names in the circles so we knew which eggs belonged to which child. Then I let them have at it! They had a lot of fun, not only dyeing eggs the traditional way, but also decorating them with Sharpies and other markers!

When their eggs were dry, they just stuck them back in their cartons, put their names on them, and they were ready to roll!

And, after everyone was done, I had a little fun and made some eggs of my own (inspired by this post)!

The One That Wasn't Planned

I was planning on sharing another post, but it'll have to wait. My oldest son turned 15 today, and I'm finding it hard to think about other things tonight. Since he's the oldest, his birthdays, especially, give me all the feels. Sometimes it's just so surreal to me that we've even made it this far. We've come through a lot; nothing terrible, TERRIBLE, but enough to say I'm glad we've made it to where we are today. Sometime, I'll tell you about it all, but that, too, is a story for another day.

Tonight, I can't help but think back to where I was when I turned 15. On the edge of 15, I had just finished my freshman year of high school; I had gone through that shift from the top rung of middle school back to the bottom of the heap. I had lost old friends and made new ones. I  had played two sports, become part of various clubs, and finished the year with good grades. I had my first REAL boyfriend that year.

What I didn't know was that 15 was going to mark a turning point in my life. Fifteen was the first time a boy I loved broke my heart. It was the year my parents separated and told us my dad would be moving out of the house. It was the year I met my son's dad and entered into the most turbulent relationship I have ever known, one full of heartache and emotional stress. One that caused me to forget myself. One most adults wouldn't know how to handle, and one that I certainly didn't know how to handle at the time. And, ultimately, it was a year that led to this 15-year-old I have today.

The transition from middle school to high school is a hard one. So much of their lives change almost over night, particularly for kids who attend a small K-8 school before moving on to high school. Their schedules change; their friends change; school and sports both make a much greater demands on their time; they are solely responsible for communicating with coaches, teachers, and parents; they have to redefine themselves and figure out where they fit in.

This last year has been a tough one in some ways for my guy. He's gone through all these changes. This year, he made both the basketball and baseball teams, and, while he enjoyed playing, he also experienced difficulties and disappointments in both seasons. And he's come through this year in pretty good shape. His grades are good. He's working hard (most of the time). He's learned how to communicate better with his teachers. He's gotten more responsible. He's stuck out two difficult sports seasons and not given up. He has surprised us, in a good way, with his adjustment to high school. Bu hard as this year has been, I know the coming ones will be harder in their way. More trying. A greater test of his character.

Many of you have probably realized by now that parenting is really fucking hard. Like, really REALLY hard. No other job on this green earth requires you to give up your soul to another person's needs and wants day in and day out. No other job takes that much out of you. But I am realizing now that, no matter how hard it is to have young children, it will be much harder to have a young adult. The sleepless nights will still be there, only now it will be because he has a later curfew, and I will need to see him, safe, with my own eyes before I can go to bed. Remember how you baby-proofed the house when your child first started walking so there was NO. POSSIBLE. WAY. he/she could fall down and get hurt? You'll want to baby-proof the whole world to guard against car accidents, sports injuries, and broken hearts. The problem with having a teenager is, you still want to protect your baby and make sure that everything goes right in their world, but you can no longer be there, holding their hands, balancing them, guiding them through every step of the way and making sure they do not fall.

We put so much of ourselves into our little people and we hope that, one day, when they are old enough, when we are no longer there to take control of a situation that feels like it's too much for them, when they are wavering between making the right choice and making the wrong one, they will hear our voices in their heads and they will have the strength and the courage to do what they need to do.

I can only hope that I have provided the tools and support for him to choose right.

The One at the Beginning

If you have young kids, chances are good you've seen SING recently. In case you haven't, let me just tell you, it's a cute little movie about a bunch of animals performing in a singing competition. Each participant has to overcome some sort of personal obstacle (and discover something about themselves in the process) to participate in the show.

Johnny's dad is a mob-boss who is hoping to pass on the family business to his son, while all Johnny wants to do is sing. Meena is a painfully shy elephant who must overcome her fear of singing in front of others. Ash tries out for the show in a duet with her boyfiend, but only she is chosen and she has to work through the effects of this on her relationship. And then there's Rosita. A stay-at-home mother to 25 piglets and wife to an over-worked and less-than-attentive husband, Rosita desperately wants to do SOMETHING for herself. And so, she tries out for the singing competition and is chosen.

My kids had been wanting to see the movie since it came out, and since we didn't get to the theater to see it, I went ahead and bought it when it was released to DVD. Since we got it, they've watched it approximately 526 thousand times (my three-year-old LOVES Johnny), and as I sat here the other night watching it with them, I had a sudden epiphany.

You guys.

I am Rosita.

I am that short, slightly chubby stay-at-home mother of 25 kids (well, four, anyway, but who's counting?), who's longing to do something for herself.

Now. Please don't get me wrong. I love my husband and kids, I mean capital L-O-V-E love them. And they definitely aren't as oblivious as Rosita's husband and kids.

BUT.

BUT, my husband is at work a lot. In fact, he works two jobs so that I can be home with our young children and our family can still afford the ever-increasing tuition we pay to send our kids to Catholic schools. I absolutely know how lucky this makes me. However, during the week, there's only one night that the two of us are home together. Most days, we see each other for about 20 minutes in the morning before he leaves to take our oldest to school and go to work and I get everyone else moving on our day. We see each other for another 30 minutes in the afternoon when he's home between jobs IF there is no practice/ball game/dance class/swimming lesson occurring during that small window. Then, we're not back home together until 10 or 11 p.m., depending on what time he gets done at work. At that point, we're both ready for bed.

BUT, my contact with the rest of the adult world is limited. I spend all my days with children (mine and others for whom I provide care) and my time is occupied with caring for everyone else: packing lunches, making meals, dropping kids off, picking kids up, making sure everyone is where they need to be, when they need to be there. I am a cook, maid, chauffer, secretary, and nurse. I wipe noses and bottoms, I clean up spills and vomit. I answer questions, break up arguments, dry tears, kiss boo-boos. ALL. DAY. LONG.

BUT, I am the last line of defense. Although my husband works long hours and that can be hard on him, the fact remains that, generally, he is only responsible for himself.  While he is working, I am with the kids, running to and from activities, cooking and feeding everyone dinner, helping with (and sometimes fighting over) homework, cleaning up from dinner, doing dishes, giving baths, reading stories, tucking in, straightening up... The list goes on and on.

BUT, even after we go to bed at night, I am still on duty. If someone is too hot or too cold, has a bad dream, needs to go potty, needs a drink of water, or just wants to snuggle, they come to me. Some nights I get to sleep all night long, but my kids are still young enough that, more often than not, SOMEBODY needs something from me in the middle of the night. Sometimes, multiple somebodies need me, and sometimes the same somebody needs me multiple times.

At one point in SING, Rosita falls flat on her face during rehearsal for the millionth time. After she picks herself up, her performance partner tells her, "You can't just sing it. You've got to show the fire and desire." to which she responds, "The fire went out a long time ago... I should just be getting groceries" and leaves the theater. Later that night, she's dragging through the grocery store like a zombie and Bamboleo comes on the loudspeaker. First her feet start moving, then the rest of her body catches up, and suddenly she's unstoppable. She finally lets loose and she's on FIRE.

And so, even though I know that I'm lucky to have a hard-working husband who is incredibly supportive of all I do; even though I know how lucky I am that no matter how much he works, he still gets to come home every night; even though I know I'm lucky to have great, mostly kind and well-behaved kids, it's time to relight the fire. It's time to do something for me.

I hope you'll join me and follow along.